Normally, I don’t much care for the SNL Cold Opens but this week’s had a really great freeze frame bit for everyone who loves non-sequiturs. The stills are from Warming Glow.

For the full list of them, just continue reading…

• There are currently no bills before the House that would require a woman to have a transvaginal ultrasound before buying sunglasses.
• The Taliban is not producing a cereal called “Honey Bunches of Goats.”
• Kirk Cameron is not the voice of Siri.
• Miss America is not third in the order of succession for the Presidency, nor is Miss Teen USA fourth.
• Airplanes do not fly by flapping their wings.
• Patricia Heaton did not win a Nobel Prize for her work on “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
• Hail consists of frozen water; it is not “made of sins.”
• President Barack Obama does not plan to take the “forwarding” option away from email.
• Disney World is not planning to add Rush Limbaugh to their Hall of Presidents.
• Nowhere in the Bible does it mention Garth Brooks or Chris Gaines.
• Turtles do not have “tiny TVs and sofa beds” inside their shells.
• Pete Rose did not receive a lifetime ban from the Hallmark Hall of Fame.
• “National Treasure” is not a documentary even though it feels very real.
• Wisconsin is an American state and not “just a bit.”
• Mormons breathe air.
• Horses do not have “teeth so sharp you wouldn’t even believe it.”
• Children raised by same-sex couples are not statistically more likely to let the American flag touch the ground.
• “Psych” is a popular detective show on the USA Network, not a super-secret NASA Mind Experiment.
• It takes more than five to six months of medical school to become a surgeon.
• Sour Patch Kids are a snack food and therefore physically incapable of pulling a knife on someone.
• Congress has not declared a “War on Jean Shorts.”
• It is unlikely that Fareed Zakaria is Willem Defoe in character.
• Babies tend to like hugs.
• It is not illegal to discard a Christmas tree.
• John Wilkes Boothe was not wearing a hooded sweatshirt when he shot President Lincoln, nor were the Lincolns attending a staging of “The Vagina Monologues.”
• There is no federal program called “Cash for Bees.”
• You do not need a spaceship to get to China.
• The Watergate is a hotel in Washington D.C., not a portal to an undersea kingdom.
• Yellow and blue make green, not “blellow.”
• The new World Trade Center does not transform into a karate robot.
• Seeing-eye dogs are neither able to nor allowed to drive.
• It is likely that immigrants do not feed on the blood of our cattle at night while we are all sleeping.
• Baseball is a land sport.
• It is widely accepted that ears are used for hearing.